


Just the three of us

by Propunktrash



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F, punkcop
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-12
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-10-31 00:49:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10888416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Propunktrash/pseuds/Propunktrash
Summary: Sarah has left her abusive boyfriend much to Beth's delight but with Vic now long gone and the pair growing closer things only get more complicated.In this story all clones are self aware, Cosima is well and Cophine is still a thing! Wrote in Beth's POV





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This first chapter might be a bit boring so i apologize in advance! Next chapter should be more interesting! Let me know what you think :)

It is hot in Sarah's bedroom and I'm stood by her bed watching her force a cheap brush through her tangled curls. She's getting nowhere. Her hair is so matted that she cringes every time she pulls the brush through her locks. She is sat on the end of her double bed which is unmade and as untidy as the rest of the room. She has a bottle of bourbon sat on her vanity and she takes regular swigs of it before setting it back down in front of her. I still can't believe that she has let her room get so messy. Clothes from her open wardrobe and packed drawers have been sprawled across the floor, you can barely see the carpet due to the dark clothing lazily thrown to the ground. It is 8pm and i have not long got off work but Sarah's place is the first place I drove to, I'm exhausted and long for a full night's sleep but deep down I know that I would rather be here than in my own apartment. Sarah needs me and in my own selfish way I need her so I drop everything when she calls, I make up some excuse to tell my pitiful excuse of a boyfriend before leaving and driving over here. Sarah notices me watching her through the mirror and she raises a smile at me with her split lip.

“Want a drink?” She offers and I shake my head.

“Not yet” I reply simply and she goes back to dragging her brush through her hair. She doesn't look at herself in the mirror. Not like she used to. The days where she prided herself of her appearance are now well gone. She doesn't look at herself because she doesn't want to see what she has become. She ignores it just like she ignores the dark bruise around her eye and the split in her lip caused by the man that she claimed loved her. First Vic would treat her like a princess and he was the only man to ever act like a father to her daughter in any way but the niceness soon dwindled and the kind gestures soon stopped happening all together. Last nights makeup is smudged around her eyes giving them a dark and smokey effect she wears on a daily basis but today I can tell by the faint black line down one side of her face that her inexpensive and probably stolen makeup has rolled down her cheek. She's tried to wipe away all evidence of what i already knew, she's been crying.

“You're staying tonight, right?” She asks and I nod silently. Of course I am. I always do especially now Vic is out of the picture. That's why she calls me because he doesn't like to be alone and I don't either. Yes i have Paul but he's distant. Our relationship is failing and it has been for some time. We're both aware of it but neither of us are ready to call it quits just yet so we live like strangers, we barely speak, we promise ourselves that it won't be like this forever and maybe we're just going through a rough patch but this rough patch has lasted five months and things are only getting worse. Sarah and i have become close. Too close. Now that she is done with Vic we can only get closer and that scares me. At least when she was with Vic she had some sort of boundaries. It has taken her three years to leave him and it was hard for her I know it was. I wanted to scream at her most days, I wanted to ask why she stays with him when his fist would connect with her cheek every time he didn't like what she had to say. I never said anything though, i never questioned her decisions or even expressed my feelings of the man she thought loved her because if I did she would turn on me, she would accuse me of being a broken record and even though she knows that what I would have said was the truth she would rather not hear it. “You're staying?”

“Yeah” I smile and I walk towards her. She rests her head on me and I push her hair out of her face. I know our intimacy is wrong. I have boyfriend, I shouldn't be here and she shouldn't keep asking me here but there is nowhere else I would rather be than here with her in my arms and her fingers laced between mine. I convinced myself that this is innocent, it isn't as terrible as I thought it was because we don't have a sexual relationship. I kiss her head, her forehead, her bruised knuckles and her temple but never her lips. That makes it alright doesn't it? We pretend that this doesn't happen.

From the bedroom we are sat in I can hear music coming from the living room and I can hear her five year old daughter, Kira singing along to it. She sweetly sings to a pop song she's announced as her favorite and both Sarah and i instinctively smile as her small voice gets louder. Sarah's pride in her only child knows no bounds. “She doesn't get that singing voice from me” She jokes although there is an underlying truth to it.  
“You don't say” I allow myself to laugh but even know Sarah has left her abusive boyfriend after far too long of putting up with his violent outbursts I feel an all too familiar lump form in my throat when I look at her. It makes me feel sick and I'm a detective! I see far worse on a daily basis but this is different, Sarah is different, Sarah is the victim although she would never admit that. Seeing her in such a state makes my stomach churn but now, hopefully this will be the last time i ever see Sarah look so broken.

When I hear Kira shout my name I manage to tear myself away from Sarah's side and I go into the living area where Sarah's own mini me is sat on the floor. The living area is in just as much of a state as the bedroom, if not worse. I look around and once again it is filthy. I sigh because the last time I was here i tried to tidy up as best I could. I knew that if i didn't do it nobody would and I hate thinking of Sarah and Kira living in such filth. The second hand TV has been replaced though by a more modern one, its large and stood pride of place on a black stand. It looks out of place that's for sure. The carpet Kira is sat on is covered in cigarette burns and stains, i don't even want to think about what or who made them. The whole place smells like stale cigarettes from the ashtrays locate around the room and there is a faint smell of weed coming from God knows where. The saddest thing of all is that this poor excuse of a home doesn't look half as damaged as the woman in the other room.

“Auntie Beth, look at this” Kira says to me from the floor. She has a barbie doll grasped in her chubby hand. As she sits on the floor she is surrounded by other barbie dolls of all colours dressed in little outfits she has expertly put together while me and her mother chatted about things far too serious for her little ears to hear in the bedroom. “This is my newest one, isn't she pretty?” She asks and I nod my head before sitting down beside her. Kira has never been into dolls but once she saw her cousin Gemma's collection she just had to grow a collection of her own and that she has well and truly done. She has everything barbie ever needed. These like most of Kira's other good toys were gifts from Mrs S or other family members who felt the need to shower her with gifts out of pity. Most children like Kira would be in and out of care just like Sarah was at a young age. Kira may live in what I describe as a hell hole but Sarah in her own way is a good mother. Kira is and has always been well dressed, well fed and well behaved. Sarah has told me many stories about the homes she was placed in before landing on Mrs S's doorstep, she ran away from many refusing to go back until she was dragged on her own accord. Kira tough has never been near a social worker which does come as a surprise. Everyone loves her including her teachers at school who beam with pride as they talk about her. Kira loves school though sometimes misses days due to Sarah's laziness but when she is there she tries her best, she has many friends and even if Sarah isn't too interested in her education the rest of the family are especially Alison who has taken it upon herself to chauffeur her to and from school along with her own children. Kira has alot of us looking out for her. She has lots of aunties all equally interested in her well being. Unlike her own mother Sarah has tried her best with her child and it shows. Kira has all the things that Sarah never had. Sarah has insisted that one day she is going to move out of this apartment and into a better place, in a better area, it makes her dizzy with excitement but for that to happen Sarah needs to make it happen and at the minute that shows no sign of happening anytime soon.

Despite everything Kira is somewhat happy here which is why S hasn't pulled her away from everything she has ever known. Kira spends half of the time with Mrs S and Kendall anyways when she isn't with one of the sisters and that is just how she likes it.

“You're getting so big” I say randomly as I look at the small girl who is Sarah's mirror image but with soft blonde curls clipped out of her face with little butterfly clips. Kira is a sweet child with a nice laugh and a small button nose on her pretty face, unlike most of the children on the estate she lives in she is well behaved, she listens to her mum and doesn't use bad language despite being exposed to it. Kira is giggling bashfully now and changes the subject back to her new doll.

“I got this from Vic but he's gone now, did mummy tell you?” She asks as her face drops. I nod my head again and choose my words carefully because strangely Kira was fond of Vic and he liked her. He treats her like his own flesh and blood which was strange coming from a man so self centered. “Vic said that living with mummy was turning him into a crazy man but mummy said that he already was and that's why the police are looking for him-”

“Monkey” Sarah's voice interrupts as she walks out of the bedroom. “Enough of that, yeah?” Kira nods her head. “You enjoy playing with those, Auntie Beth?” Sarah asks me making Kira laugh. Sarah laughs with her and Kira puts her arms up so Sarah can lift her from the ground. She falls back onto the sofa and hugs her daughter tight. I suppose it's what they both need after the few weeks they have had.

*

Kira is tucked away in bed and Sarah and I are too. I lay in her bed, the cheap sheets cold against my skin and I take a deep breath as she wriggles closer to me. Her skin connects with mine, our body heat warms each other on this cold night and I know this is wrong. She has just broke up with her boyfriend, i still have a boyfriend but strangely I would rather be in this bed with Sarah's arm around my waist and her face buried in the crook of my neck than with Paul. I inhale the smell of her shampoo and the stench of cigarettes that clings to her. Her cold leg is between mine just laying there innocently. I try to convinced myself that this is innocent but that is harder said than done when I love her more than i probably should.

“I don't know why you ever let him do this to you” I say, it slips out and Sarah tenses in my arms. I automatically regret it because she pulls away from. She turns away from me, she flips over to face the wall, she's already heard enough. She's pulling the sheets over her shoulder covering her body and I feel guilty. I always do. I can hardly blame her for wanting to believe that he loved her, can i? We all want to be loved. I want that and I want her to have that.

“I didn't let him do anything” Her voice is as cold as the room and i delicately place a hand to her shoulder.

“Sarah, I'm sorry” I whisper and then she's silently forgiving me and turning back over so I can pull her closer and place a kiss on her forehead. “I'm sorry” I repeat, it's another whisper, another apology she's accepting. When I hold her again she closes her eyes and I do too resting my chin on her head. I let myself relax and when I'm sure that she's fallen asleep I let myself fall asleep too. I know that I need to wake up before 6am, I need to get home before Paul starts calling. He's rarely home. I rarely go to bed with him in the apartment, he's normally God knows where with god knows who. I've learnt not to ask. Its pointless. He avoids my questions and that's okay with me, I know where he is, he's in some random woman's bed full of alcohol and not one regret.


	2. Chapter 2

Normally i subconsciously wake myself up in the morning out of fear of sleeping in and wakening to find Vic stood over me in his bed. This morning is different My phone is ringing but it isn't work. I'm squinting at the screen, my vision is blurry so its hard to make out the black letters on the screen in front of me to see who is calling. The small letters spell out my boyfriend's name, I curse silently and ignore it. I lock the phone again and drop it back onto the cluttered bed side table. I close my eyes again. Its 5am so five more minutes with my head to Sarah's pillow won't hurt. I reach out my hand and it is only when my skin collides with nothing but cold sheets that I realize that I'm here alone and Sarah isn't beside me. I panic immediately, I sit up, my stomach drops because what if Vic has came back? 

In just seconds i am rolling out of bed. I realize that there is blood on her pillow, her lip must have re-split during the night. I call her name and expect to find her in Vic's scrawny arms. I half expect Sarah to have taken him back but she hasn't and he isn't here. She is sat on her small sofa. I can't help but think that her bare legs must be cold as they hang over one arm. She has a thin hand rolled cigarette between her fingers and she was never a smoker until she met Vic or so I've been told by Mrs S on more than one occasion. She is wearing a hoodie, her hair is still a mess and her makeup is even more smudged than it was last night. 

“Morning” She says and I walk towards her. 

“Morning yourself, how are you feeling?” I ask and it's a stupid question really, isn't it?” I know how she is, how she really is and she's going to insist that she is fine because this is Sarah and that is what she always does. 

Like I suspected she would she forces a smile onto her face, she gives me a small nod and tells me that she is doing ok. “I couldn't sleep. Here-” She extends her arm offering me her lit cigarette and I refuse her offer, shaking my head. She shrugs and places it back between her chapped lips. “Suit yourself” She mutters and i haven't been awake long and I'm already craving a drink, a pill, anything to take the edge off life so I need to get home. 

“You know I got worried when you weren't there when I woke up” 

“Yeah, sorry” She's leaning forward to stump her cigarette out in the overflowing ashtray. “I couldn't sleep, I needed a smoke sort of like how you need a drink” She's joking but we both know that there's some truth to it. I give her a small laugh and I pull on the shoes I left by the door. She looks disappointed as she pulls herself up so she is sitting for once with a straight back. “Don't go, I'm joking, I was joking. Shite” She is reaching for my hand now looking all apologetic as she does so and I let her take it. I give her hand a light squeeze before kissing it.

"I know but I need to go”

“You're not at work today” 

“Yeah but Paul rang” She nods with a sigh. I look down at her sat below me on the sofa and pull her to her feet. “I'll see you at Alison's tonight though, right? “

“Shit” I sigh and run a hand through my hair. “I completely forgot about it actually but yeah, yeah I'll be there. I don't really have any choice in the matter, do i?” She's laughing again. Alison is having a family dinner tonight at her place just like every other Friday night. We all go over and she cooks for us like she does on a Sunday afternoon, its nice to spend time with the family especially with the kids who are all growing far too quickly for my liking. “I'll see you tonight then” 

“Give Paul my love, yeah?” She's being sarcastic. She has that down to a fine art nowadays. 

“Only if you give Vic mine” 

“Har har!”

I peck her cheek before I make my way to the door, stepping over her mess in the process. Sarah falls back against the sofa and watches me leave. I give her one last smile before slipping out of the door preparing myself to return home to an apartment that Paul is now waiting for me in.

* 

I have what i always wanted Paul is staying home more but instead of loving it I'm hating it. He's been coming home from work most nights like the big I am and expects all sorts. It's worse than being on house arrest because he's always here watching my every move. He watches every drink I pour myself, every pill I reach for and he expects me to run around after him like I did when I was head over heels in love with him. Now i just tolerate him and I'm sure that he knows it. At least when he was out doing God knows what I was able to have a drink in peace, he acts like i have some sort of problem. That is coming from a man that probably drinks just as much as me but does it around his so called friends so that justifies it, right? He can get away with it. 

When I walk through the door he's there. As soon as he sees me he pulls himself up from the sofa to meet me. “Where have you been?” He asks and I avoid eye contact. I move past him without even brushing shoulders. I run my hand over my hair and lie easily. 

“I went to the gym, i couldn't sleep” I tell him. The lie slips over my tongue without fault. I've silently practiced it enough and he doesn't think of questioning why I'm in pair of jeans and hoodie or why it looks like I've just rolled out of bed, he simply sighs and shakes his head. “Why aren't you at work?” 

“I'm on my way, I thought I would wait for you to get home. I was worried” 

“Yeah, sure you were” I say more to myself than anything but he reaches for my arm. He gently turns me so I'm looking at him and his eyebrows are pulling together in a frown.

“What does that mean?” He questions and I pull my arm back from him. 

“Nothing. it didn't mean anything. Have a nice day”

He leans forward to kiss me before he leaves. Its habit. A habit i now hate. I tense in front of him, i automatically dodge his lips, turning my head away from him so his lips miss mine completely leaving him with a disappointed and irritated look on his face. He's sighing again and he leaves without saying another word. As soon as he's gone I feel more comfortable. I head to the bathroom to get a bottle of pills from the cabinet. I pop one in my mouth and swallow it without water. I'm an expert now and soon that one small pill will take the edge of this thing called life. 

I once told myself that if Paul ever strayed I would never trust him ever again and we'd be finished for good. "I would never let him talk me around" I told myself because once you let a cheater talk you around its like you're giving them permission to do it over and over again. My father was unfaithful throughout his marriage to my mother. I thought that I would never have the life my mother did. “People only do to you what you let them” My grandmother would always say to me. My mother clearly never took that advice and obviously i didn't either. My father would flirt with other women in front of my mother and i still remember the arguments it would cause. Once my mother finally said enough was enough and threw him out she would take me to her new boyfriend's houses and i was only a kid at the time. Those boyfriends never lasted long and it was someone new every week so I sat in different houses every Friday in front of the same garbage TV shows while my mother smelling like cheap perfume and alcohol entertained her latest bit of eye candy.

Sat on my sofa I can see the carpet, it's clean, there's no cigarette burns, stains and the place doesn't smell of stale cigarettes and the wallpaper is new. Its clean. I like this apartment, I did as soon as I moved in. It's not like Sarah's that i can barely stand the sight of or my old one with its old fashioned furniture and old carpet that was just as dirty as Sarah's. The whole apartment was in constant need of redecoration. I like the newness of this place, the large bedrooms, the expensive furniture and paintings on the wall but i thought I'd make this place my home, now I feel like an intruder inside of it.


	3. Chapter 3

When Alison let me in we hugged. Her children have always hugged me, Gemma and Oscar are nice children and I am fond of them both but i never hugged Alsion until a few months ago when we both had a glass or two too much to drink. It sort of became habit, now we hug every time I come around. I ask her how she is and I fuss over her children and when Donnie comes home from work I make my excuses. Alison loves to cook for the family and does things whole heartedly. Whether she throws a party or holds a small get together for her children's birthday's she prepares huge trays of food. She cooks like she is going to feed a village and I guess that with all of our family under one roof it's almost like she is. The whole house smells of mouth watering food Alison is preparing in the kitchen. If it's one thing she can do its cook, we all love her food and she knows it so every chance she gets she cooks for us all. 

“Sarah's here and she's brought Kira this time” Alison says as soon as I'm out of her arms. She's hushed her voice so Sarah doesn't hear in the other room. She'd hate it if she knew we were talking about her.

“Yeah?” I speak and she nods holding a hand to her hip. 

“She seems to be doing better”   
“She is”

“And you're okay?” She asks and she turns to look at me. I know she's checking to see if I'm high and by now I've mastered the art of hiding it. Alison went sober and I vowed I'd one day do the same but that day is yet to come and i still have a pocket of pills to get me through the night.  
“I'm fine, Ali” “Hm. Well everyone is in the living room and Felix is interfering with my dinner so I better get back to the kitchen. We'll talk later” “Yeah not if i have it my way” I joke and she laughs before returning to the kitchen and I go into her living area. Alison seems happy today, she's in a great mood. She has bangs and a slim figure, we all joke that she's a control freak but really she has a nice nature and does a lot for this family. She keeps her house as clean as a whistle and her kids are well dressed and as bright as buttons.   
I look at all three children sat on the floor. Kira isn't just cousins with Gemma and Oscar but they are best friends and have became almost inseparable. That's probably down to how much time they have been spending together lately. Alison takes them all to school in the mornings and picks them up in the afternoon. Kira and Oscar are in the same class which they were thrilled about when Kira first moved to their school. I smile as their giggling gets louder. Gemma notices me watching them and pulls herself up from the ground to sit on my lap. She cuddles into me and I sweep her hair out of her face. She knows that out of all of her aunties I am the softest. I spoil them and I've only recently realized that I let them get away with murder when Alison isn't around and they know that so of course they use it to their advantage. 

“Are you okay, Auntie Beth?” She asks me. She is sweet and caring like her mother. At just six years old she has a knack of reading body language. There is no pulling the wool over her eyes, she is just like her mother and it makes me chuckle but Gemma's personality is growing by the day. Not only is she a sweet child but she is unintentionally funny, she is quick witted for a child of her age and her sharp tongue causes lots of trouble in the Hendrix household. “Auntie Beth?” 

“I'm great” I grin at her and I hug her tighter. Sarah is here too with Felix who has not only insisted on helping Alison in the kitchen but has helped himself to Donnie's drinks trolley and I'm guessing that he's being more of a hindered than a help. As soon as I sat down Sarah moved to be beside me. When her fingers lace between mine I pull my hand away before someone notices. I know she didn't think. She didn't remember where we are or who we're with, she just craves a bit of affection even if it is just from me. She swears under her breath then runs her fingers through her hair. When there's a knock on the door Kira and Oscar's faces light up. 

“It might be Auntie Cosima!” Kira gasps and Alison laughs not so convinced.

“I haven't saw any pigs flying so I doubt it's your auntie Cosima” She says because Cosima is always late. She's never on time and everyone including herself knows that's true. Delphine is following in her girlfriends footsteps so you can only imagine everyone's surprise when the door swings open and there stood hand in hand on the doorstep is the loved up couple half an hour earlier than Alison told them to be. 

“Auntie Cosima!” Kira yells leaving the living room with Oscar to run towards her dreadlocked auntie who has barely gotten through the door before they have latched themselves onto her legs. Its clear how fond of their aunties they are but Gemma remains on my lap and as she falls quiet i realise that she is getting tired which isn't surprising as she has had a long day at school which was followed by soccer training. Sarah is laughing as she looks at me and I nudge her in the arm. 

“What are you laughing at?” 

“Nothing” She insists as she presses her lips together but she has obviously found something hilarious so I prod her playfully in the side begging her to tell me. “Okay, bloody hell” She's chuckling as Felix watches from across the room. “Actually it really doesn't matter, I'll tell you later” 

I roll my eyes playfully at her and smile at the lovebirds as they walk in. “New hair?” Cosima asks noticing a newly added blonde streak in the front of Sarah's long brunette hair. “It looks so rad” She smiles inspecting the blonde in her hand after hugging Sarah. 

“Want some candy auntie Delphine?” Oscar offers the tall blonde but she declines his generous offer politely. She shakes her head making her golden curls bounce on her shoulders. 

“No thank you, Oscar. I am looking forward to your mother's dinner, isn't that right, ma cherie?” 

“Yeah my girl loves to eat” Cosima comments innocently but Felix's mind isn't so pure. 

“Yes darling, we know. You woke me up with your animalistic noises the other night and I'm still recovering. I think I may have been scarred for life” As Delphine turns a deep shade of red Cosima laughs loudly. 

“You have animals?” Gemma questions and everyone erupts once again with laughter as the confused child frowns.

“Now look what you've done!” Alison gasps.

"Don't act a prude now, Mrs Hendrix. Wait, Maybe i shouldn't call you that in front of your girlfriend here, eh? I don't' want to make her jealous or anything” He smirks and his eyes flit to me sat on the sofa still with Gemma on my lap and Sarah sat beside me. I laugh awkwardly but nobody else does especially not Sarah who tenses beside me at her brother's joke. He always makes fun of Alison and i's closeness and it embarrasses me. It makes me feel awkward especially around Sarah and by the looks of it she feels even more uncomfortable than me.

“If you've got something to say just say it yeah, Fe?” Sarah quickly shoots back at him. “Alison has a husband for Christ sake” 

“Thank you Sarah!” Says Alison and she leaves the living room irritated by Felix's drunken state and I look at him as he laughs. 

“Touchy are we?” Felix asks Sarah once Alison has gone and she simply rolls her eyes at him. “I like to wind them up that's all”

“Yeah well its not funny, is it?” She snaps and settles back into my side. 

“Careful, sister. You're starting to sound ... jealous?”

* 

Sarah, Cosima and of course Felix were already drunk when Alison came downstairs after successfully getting the children to bed. Once again she outdid herself and her dinner was amazing. We all watched a movie together before Ali took the children upstairs and Sarah decided that we should all have a drink together before we all head home. With Kira safely sound asleep in Gemma's room Sarah cracked open a bottle of her favorite drink and after being convinced to help herself to Donnie's trolley by Felix who I'm surprised is still standing Cosima opened a bottle too. I've been throwing back the drinks all night but even after 3 large glasses I'm still not drunk. I'm a professional drinker after all.  
Alison is sat still as sober as she was when we first got here. I don't know how she is able to sit here surrounded by this much alcohol, surely she must be tempted to have just one drink. She has more willpower than me that's for sure. She has been less than impressed by Felix's drunk state since he had his first glass of whiskey and now she has Sarah and Cosima to contend with too. 

“Dude, how perfect is my girlfriend?” Cosima sings as she looks at Delphine who is sat beside her acting bashful. You can see how much love they have for one another just by how they look at each other. A love like the one they have is something I've always longed for. 

“Stop it, Cosima!” Delphine is laughing. She has started to blush as she plays with her hair but Cosima shows no sign of stopping anytime soon. Delphine is not a drinker, not really. She does like a little drink every now and then but she once told me that she does not like the feeling of being out of control. Tonight she has had one glass of red wine but by the time she had finished that Cosima was onto her third. Her hand is in Delphine's, their fingers slot together perfectly and Cosima pulls Delphine until she is sat as close to her as possible. 

“I mean it” Cosima mumbles with a drunken smile against her girlfriend's lips and then she kisses her until Delphine turns her head and starts giggling bashfully once again this time against Cosima's cheek. 

“You two are making me sick. Get a room will you?!” Felix jokes throwing a cushion at them from across the living area. As the cushion goes flying Alison jumps up to get it. She shakes her head as she straightens it out and scolds Felix for making a mess of her once spotless living room. “Comfy there Sarah? If you get any closer to Beth you'll be on her knee but then again I'm sure she'd hardly be complaining”

“Yeah I am actually” Sarah replies. Felix does have a point, she is far too close to me but at this point we have both had too much to drink to even care. “You'd love to sit on my knee wouldn't you, Beth?” Sarah asks drunkenly and she pulls me into a hug as everyone watches. I laugh and try to pull away from her but her arms are still firmly tight around me. 

“I think you've had one too many” 

“One?” Alison laughs. “One bottle too many maybe” 

“What?” Sarah exclaims finally letting go of me. “I can't hug my own bloody best friend now can i not?” 

“Vic the dick started as a friend though didn't he and you ended up shacking up with him for how many years?” I cringe as Felix brings up her ex and Sarah does too. “Don't look at me like that Sarah I'm just saying!” 

“Yeah well don't, alright? I'm not in the mood for your shit” 

“Hit another nerve have i?” Felix grins smugly and I'm silently begging him to stop taking before he pushes his sister too far. When Sarah drinks she starts off loving everyone but after a couple of hours they are all "Wankers", friends and family included. Felix is pressing all the wrong buttons tonight and I am sure that he knows it. 

“Just because you can't get any don't take it out on me. Fucks sake. Piss off yeah?” She is far more defensive than she should be and now nobody knows where to put themselves as she gets up and walks unsteadily towards the living room door. She's swearing to herself and I get up to go after her. 

"You're hard work do you know that, Sarah?" Felix calls after her. "I was having a laugh but you're always looking for a fight!"

“Well done” I mutter to Felix who should have known better than to wind her up. I close the door again behind me and Sarah is leaning against the wall pulling on her boots. 

“So you've calmed down?” 

“Maybe. Maybe not, what are you going to do? Arrest me?” 

“What's wrong with you?” I ask stepping forward until im in front of her. She turns her head avoiding eye contact. “You were fine just minutes ago”

“I know” She admits. “I'm sorry, I am but you know I hate when people-”

“Talk about Vic, yeah we've been here before. I get it Sarah” I say quickly and I raise a hand to her face. She flinches which makes my heart drop but when I place my palm against her cheek she turns her head into me trapping my hand between her face and her shoulder. She finally offers me a smile. It's a drunken, tired smile but still it's better than the scowl I've been looking at all night. “You know Felix is just joking, you know what he's like”

She cocks her head to the side, her hair tumbles down one side and she's smirking again. “What is it you really followed me out here for?” She asks and her hands reach me now. They hold onto my jacket and she tugs me forward so my body presses against hers. “Tell me you didn't want our first time to be on Alison's staircase, I thought I was the wild one” She breathes into my ear. I can feel her hands on my hips now, she presses her cheek against mine and her breath clashes against my skin. 

“Stop it, Sarah” I force myself to pull away. I put my hands on top of hers and pull them from my hips. “You're drunk and you need to keep it down before everyone hears you. I need to get home” 

“To Paul?” 

“No. To my b-” My breath hitches in my throat because she leans so close to me our noses touch and she is running her fingers slowly through my hair. Her lip is in between her teeth and my heart is pounding so hard in my chest I am sure she is able to hear it. She turns her face against mine and her breath against my skin sends goosebumps down my body. I want her like i have never wanted anyone before. This is the person I love. The only person i have ever truly loved and she doesnt even know it. Sure she says she loves me but it's a different love. It's not like how she loved Vic and it never will be, i just need to remind myself that more often. Suddenly that doesn't matter because she is everything i have ever wanted and everything I could ever possibly need and she's leaning closer and closer and her eyes are closed, her hand touches my cheek and her lips touch mine. I feel like my heart almost stops. She's kissing me and I don't know what to do. Then there's a bang and a bedroom door opens upstairs so i spring away from Sarah faster than i ever have before because then I hear small footsteps getting closer.

“Auntie Beth? Auntie Sarah?” I see Gemma stood at the top of the stairs in her dressing gown and her slippers on the wrong feet. I'm positive she didn't see anything. She is rubbing her eye with her fist and Sarah is cursing under her breath and stepping backwards as Gemma pushes her hair out of her face. 

“There's my favorite niece in the whole wide world” Sarah says fixing a smile onto her face and she moves forward to lift Gemma up as soon as she reaches the bottom step. 

“How many nieces do you have?” Gemma asks from Sarah's arms. 

“Well... well just you but even if I had 100 nieces you would still be my favorite” 

“But that's just silly because you don't know what they'd be like” Gemma says matter of factly and Sarah laughs. 

I watch Sarah interact with our niece and I tuck my hair awkwardly behind my ear. I can't believe what has just happened. “Do you want me to read you a story?” 

“No” Gemma shakes her head and Sarah's face falls. 

“Go on, it'll be fun! I'll even do the voices”

“I don't want you to read me a story, you're drunk. I want a drink Auntie Beth” 

“Awkward” I sing through gritted teeth but Sarah's feeling aren't hurt and she is still smiling from ear to ear as Gemma falls into my arms. I kiss Gemma's cheek and hitch her up so I don't drop her. “Go and apologize to Felix” I whisper to Sarah as I pass her and she leans back against the wall. 

In the kitchen I sit Gemma on the counter and get her a glass of orange juice. She gulps it down gratefully and I take a deep breath. I push my hair out of my face with both hands and Gemma watches me as I do so. 

“Are you sure you're alright, Auntie Beth?” 

“I'm fine” I whisper and I pull her into me. As i cuddle her I rest my chin on her head. She is a dear child with big brown eyes and thick curls around her face. I know I should not have favorites but I do have a soft spot for Gemma. If i ever have daughter I hope she is like her, she is perfect and as good as gold for me. I'm sure Alison wouldn't say the same thing. She puts down her cup and wraps her small arms around me. I know Sarah won't remember what happened in the morning and even if she does she'll regret it. I cant say i'd blame her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think of this so far :)

After getting little to no sleep I am back at work and it's been a busy morning following possible leads. The man I've just brought in for questioning is livid just like I thought he would be. As Art and I brought him in another suspect was being cut loose by Angela. We weren't getting much out of him and it was becoming apparent that he had nothing to do with the body of a gang member found at a secluded building early this morning even know he does have a long rap sheet. These guys know each other, they have bad blood and I realized that as soon as they clapped eyes onto each other. Now they're at screaming point and I feel like my head is about to explode but even with Art's help I'm struggling to push the handcuffed man into the interrogation room. Art forcefully pushes the man inside and Angela threatens the other with another night in a cell if he doesn't leave the precinct so he's leaving with more than a few words for the man Art is now slamming the door on. 

"Calm down, then we'll talk!" Art says through the door. The man behind it is a wind up and he's not going to make fools out of us today. 

"Why do murderers have to be so difficult?" I joke holding a hand to my forehead but Art doesn't laugh. "How long will we let him stew for? Does half an hour sound good?" 

"Half an hour seems like enough time to grab some lunch. Fungs? What are you saying?" 

"After you, Detective Bell" I hold my hand towards the door with a smile indicting that I think it's a great idea. It's almost 2am, it will be a late lunch but I'm hungry and Fungs is our favorite spot to eat at especially while on duty because it's not to far from the precinct and we can be back in just minutes if we get a call from the lieutenant .   
Art drives us there and we sit at the booth we always sit at by the window. I've shrugged of my trench coat and have a mug of hot coffee nursed between my palms. I definitely need it. Art has just ordered us two sandwiches and he's giving me a look, a look I know all too well. He's wondering if I'm alright, he's wondering what's wrong with me today because it's always something and he's wondering if I'm in fact clear headed. I'm not. Of course I'm not. When am i ever? As he looks at me from across the table I move my eyes to stare into the white china at the dark coffee swirling around and I clear my throat awkwardly and he leans forward just ever so slightly. 

"Are you going to talk to me Beth? I know something's not right"

"What do you mean?" I ask pathetically and I force myself to look at him again. "I'm fine, I'm alright, seriously"

"hm" He hums not so convinced and leans back into his chair. "How's Paul?" 

"He's great, why does everyone keep asking that?" 

"Because it's obvious he's wearing you down"

I feel like I'm being interrogated now and Art can see through me, he knows me so well. Again I tell him that Paul is fine, we are fine and our relationship isn't crumbling down around me. In reality Paul and i didn't get off to a good start this morning. He woke up looking for an argument and I gave him one. He complains that I'm never home which is ironic coming from him. I'm still irritated and tonight I will make sure that I'm not home when he returns from work. I know how much he hates coming home to an empty apartment. If he had his way I would be home all the time so he's able to walk through the door and find his dinner waiting for him on the table and a beer chilling in the fridge. I know he struggles to cook for himself but I'm going to let him. I'm not a housewife, i never will be. He's always available to everyone else but me. 

I raise the mug of coffee to my lips and before I sip it I ask how his daughter is. "Is she still doing well in school?" I add and the look of pride on his face as he talks about his daughter warms my heart ever so slightly. Art is a good man, a great father and it has been proven that not only is he a great partner but a great friend and one day, when I'm ready I'll off load to him and he'll be there willingly lending an ear to nag to and a shoulder to cry on. 

"Mia is doing great, she's been asking after you. She's fond of you although I'm not sure why" He teases and I laugh. 

"You'll have to bring her around sometime, i have Kira and Alison's kids staying over at the weekend so maybe she could join them? There will be pizza and a movie or three if Oscar gets his way, there is always room for one more"

"And Paul doesn't mind you playing Mrs Doubtfire?" 

"Fuck Paul" I mumble and I lean back in my seat. "Bring her over, it will be fun"

"We'll see" He says but I know that he is not even considering it. I can't say I blame him. I wouldn't want a child under the same roof as Paul and i witnessing our toxic relationship but Kira, Gemma and Oscar are family and they have been begging for a sleepover for weeks. Not only that but I jump at any chance I get to spend time with them.  
When my phone rings I expect it to be the lieutenant waning us that our suspect is causing trouble from the room we've left him in and that we better come back to sort him out but it isn't. Its not even my work phone. It's my cell and it's Sarah. Overtime she rings me a knot forms in my stomach twisting and pulling making me feel sick especially today after last nights shenanigans. I still haven't spoken to her, I wonder what she remembers. I answer her call quickly and hold the phone to my ear. 

"Sarah?" 

"Yeah, its me" 

"Is everything alright? I'm at work"

"Shite" She swears and Art is watching me from across the table. "Sorry, I'll let you go then-"

"No, it's okay. I'm on my lunch break. What's wrong?" 

"Nothing. I just ... i just wanted to hear your voice that's all and ... well apologize for getting so drunk last night"

"Don't. Its fine. I'm over it" I look at Art who is hardly trying to hide the fact that he's trying to listen into the conversation and figure out what is being said on the other side. He must see how tense I've become. Every time I raise the phone to my ear when Sarah has rung I expect to hear her strained voice quietly asking for my help because she's laying on the floor bloody and beaten or sat in bed alone feeling worthless, like nothing. "I'll be off the clock at 7" 

"You'll be lucky" Art mumbles and the waitress with our lunch finally comes over to slide our sandwiches in front of us. I wedge my phone between my ear and my shoulder and pull the plate further towards me and mouth a "thank you" to her while Art does the same. 

"Can I come over later? When you're done with work, I mean" 

"I ... Yeah that might be a problem. I'll come to you. I'll call you when im off the clock, give Kira my love you hear?" 

"Yeah, yeah I will, I'll see you later"

"Yeah, bye" I hang up and apologize to Art who is already into his overflowing sandwich. 

"What was all that about?" He asks genuinely interested. 

"Long story, it was just Sarah, I don't want to bore you" 

"Believe me you won't, that girl is many things but boring" He says and I laugh because that's completely true and she's been in and out of the station more than enough times for Art to know so. "You seem to be close nowadays" 

"And that's a problem?" 

"Not unless it gets between you and your job"

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask and I pick at the sandwich in front of me. 

"What do you think?" He raises an eyebrow at me and I decide to leave that conversation for another day. "You know where I am if you ever need to talk, I can't force whatever shit you're bottling up out of you although I wish I could. Looking at your miserable face every day is starting to wear even me down" I laugh loudly and lean on I laugh loudly and lean on my hand.

"I'll remember that" I force an obvious fake smile onto my face for his benefit and he laughs too.

"How about we finish our lunch and just have the afternoon off? Nobody would notice we're gone, right?" 

"Yeah you wish, Childs. We have 15 minutes"

* 

Believe it or not but I did get off work before 7. It is 6:30 and i have just arrived at Sarah's. She hasn't been awkward or acted any different to how she normally would nor has she mentioned anything about last night so I am assuming that she has forgotten everything which is probably for the best. To my surprise Kira was here when I arrived, I expected her to be with Mrs S. I saw her on my way in playing outside with a neighbor's daughter Jenny who is a couple of years older than herself. Outside many parents are sat on their walls gossiping and chain smoking while drinking cheap alcohol which can be expected in an area like this one. They may be near pissed but at least they are keeping an eye on their children as well as Kira. Sarah is inside and despite the women in the street supervising Kira i still watch from the balcony because she is where anything could happen to her. Sarah insists that she is fine but still I watch her laughing with her friends as they draw on the concrete with old bits of broken chalk. The sun is starting to go down and Sarah comes walking out to join me on the balcony while lighting a cigarette between her lips. I get nervous when Sarah leans over the railings and waves her hand to her daughter. 

"Monkey, its time to come in now!" She calls down to Kira and her little face falls. She sighs as she drops the chalk and the little girl she has been playing with doesn't look too happy either.

"Do i have to?" 

"Yes, come on!. Its getting dark" Sarah calls again but Kira doesn't move. I know that Sarah is hoping that for just one night Kira will do as she is told and not make her life anymore difficult than it already is. 

"Listen to your mum, Kira!" I now call in hope that it will be enough to pry her away from the friends she doesn't want to leave. A skinny woman with red hair laughs from the wall she is sat at and I assume that it is Jenny's mother. 

"I'll watch her. She can stay at mine" She offers but Sarah shakes her head and flicks away her cigarette after stumping it out on the rusty metal. 

"No, its alright but thanks anyway, yeah? Come on Kira, up here now!" 

Kira doesn't need to be told again as she reluctantly says goodbye. Say what you like about Sarah but she does care about her kid. There is no way that Kira would be out at all hours like the rest of the children on this street. Kira runs up three flights of stairs and lets herself inside. Sarah makes her a sandwich, she pours her some juice and once its gone he ruffles her silky curls. "Alright, Monkey! Bedtime!" 

"Can't I stay and see Auntie Beth for a bit?" 

"Not tonight. She's going soon and I need to talk to her about grown up stuff" 

"About Vic?" Kira asks and Sarah shakes her head. "He's not coming back is he?" 

"No" Sarah replies bluntly then quickly changes the subject. "You can watch TV in bed if you don't give me any bother, deal?" 

"You're the best mum ever" Kira smiles throwing her arms around Sarah. "Do you think I could have a story too?" 

"Don't push it" Sarah laughs carrying her into her bedroom after i have given her a kiss goodnight. 

* 

With Kira in bed Sarah and I sit discussing the events of last night after she made it apparent that she does remember what happened after she snapped at her brother. Not only does she not regret anything last night but she is now insisting that she likes me as more than a friend. I can't get my head around any of this, it's all too much to take in. As a million questions run through my head i have fallen quiet and she's concerned now. She holds her glass in one hand and she places the other one on my knee. I move so it drops off my leg. 

"What's wrong?" She asks now offended and I shrug and pull myself up so I'm sat up straight. "Talk to me Beth"

"Talk to you? Sarah you're not thinking straight. You don't like me... not like that!" 

Her head falls in her hands and she swears loudly out of nothing but frustration as her hands close into fists in her hair. "I don't know what you want me to bloody say, alright? I've liked you for bloody months, I thought that much was bloody obvious!" She's starting to get annoyed now. She's getting up from the sofa and is pacing the room as I sit watching her get more and more wound up. 

Deciding that it is better i just leave before Kira wakes up I pull myself up from the sofa but as I go to grab my jacket Sarah pushes me backwards gently. "Sarah, I should go"

"No you shouldn't, you should fucking hear me out. I'm trying here Beth. I need you-"

"No you're looking for a rebound. That's all I am to you-"

She looks me dead in the face for a second before screwing her own up so her eyes are tightly closed before crying out. "I am in fucking love with you, you stupid bloody mare!" I'm taken aback. Her temper fades as quickly as it erupted and now she's remembering her sleeping daughter in the other room. She sinks down onto the sofa and crumbles under my stare. "I've just told you how I feel. I don't know what else you want me to do" When she begins to sob it is like she will never stop. This is not like Sarah. Sarah never cries and especially not in front of anyone. Her tears drench her face leaving her eyes red and swollen and her bare skin now blotchy. Looking at her I know she has meant every word and now I feel like sobbing too for driving her to this point.

"Sa-" I begin to speak but she cuts me off. 

"If you don't believe me you can just piss off and leave me alone" She chokes and I kneel down to her and touch her face.

"I'm sorry baby. I believe you, come here" I whisper softly to her then she lets me pull her into me so I can hold her as she cries. She lays down on the sofa and I move so I'm beside her with an arm around her waist as she lays silently. We don't speak. The noise of our breathing and the stifled sobs of Sarah is the only thing breaking the silence. "You know that i like you too, don't you?" I whisper and she nods without a word. "It'll all be okay?"

She doesn't reply but I know that she heard me because her arms tighten around me and she kisses my collarbone just once. I'm unsure how we'll manage to sort any of this out or how any of will ever be ok. It is a mess and the both of us know that but you can't help who you fall in love with even if you do have a boyfriend at home waiting for you to crawl in unapologetically at all hours. We are both aware that neither Paul or anyone else for that matter can even get a hint of how close we really are until we're ready to tell them. Paul would go ballistic and maybe that would be within his rights.


End file.
